In this discussion, we talk about all things “free”… is it wise to give your time for free? Is helping friends and family a recipe for disaster? What are the pros and cons to giving for free?

Dean says:

This is another topic that I suspect could be quite a controversial one… but I think it is a key area, and often divides opinion.

The whole “moving the free line” stuff (which is generally mis-understood), has blurred the lines somewhat, the “social” media world, and focus on building relationships has also changed the goalposts a little… so whilst I don’t believe there is a definitive right answer that suits EVERY type of business owner, all we can do is share our thoughts and experiences.

Time vs Money

This is the simplest way I can differentiate…

If something uses your time, then value it highly, leverage it as much as possible (I learned that from James) and charge more than you feel is normal.

However, if it doesn’t use your time… e.g, an eBook you have, then you can give a LOT of value that way, and providing you have something in your funnel that is a paid product to compliment it, then you are onto a winner.

You MUST Value Your Time Before Anyone Else Will

This is one of the most important lessons I ever learned… basically, don’t assume that just because something is easy for you, means it is low value.

A mentor of mine once told me: “Dean, if you have a high-value service that uses your time, create the price, then add a zero and take a deep breath.”

That may sound silly, but it is actually great advice.

Friends and Family

I differ from James slightly on this… my instincts are to help friends and family… however, in my experience, this always ends in tears.

Family tend to never take action on the advice I give them (HINT: free info is often valued at zero sub-consciously)… and friends tend to ask for advice, then start arguing with me once I share something that is outside of their comfort zone.

Now, when I say friends… I mean my childhood friends etc… friends and close contacts that I have met in the industry are much trickier.

Industry friends & close contacts

I am always open to opportunity, and have a natural ability to spot a win/win opportunity almost instantly… so rarely do I just ask for time or just give time as a one-way thing… instead, I look for a mutually beneficial opportunity.

That said, there has been one person recently where I was asking for quite a lot, and giving little in return, as soon as this became clear to me, I immediately cut off any requests for time, and am now working towards a scenario that is equally beneficial.

Note to self: Always practice what you preach Dean

Summary

There are a lot of misconceptions and contradictions when it comes to valuing time… I mean, people who charge huge sums for their time, yet spend 7 hours a day on Facebook… but the reality is that we all have 24 hours in a day, and time is something we can NEVER get back… once it is gone, it is gone… and it should be treated with the absolute up-most respect.

I admire the new stance James is taking with his time, and frankly, I am surprised he didn’t do it months ago.

James says:

The more you value your time the easier it is to have a definitive answer for this. It is my observation that very successful people are generous yet extremely careful how they allocate time. In contrast to this, there are some lovely people who pretty much donate their entire life and therefore their legacy to others and end up stone poor. I am not one of those types.

Family first

With family you are obliged to help out. My Mum and Dad  changed a lot of nappies when I was a baby, fed and housed me for the first 20 years of my life.  I also want my sister and her husband to go well in their  business so I give them all help for free. It is a family requirement.

School sucks

When it comes to my own children and wife – they can have as much time as they like. The legacy of passing on vital information and skills that will help them for many years to come cannot be measured in dollar terms. Let’s just say that I place little value in the ability of their low paid teachers to educate my kids properly on how to become financially secure…. School teaches jack shit about important things in life. My kids get my attention.

Regarding friends, this has become interesting lately…

At first my friends wrote off my internet marketing pursuits as a distraction (from my fantastic well paid career), a gamble of unrewarded effort (way too much effort for such a ‘little’ reward) and something only nerds do. This meant I never had anyone even remotely interested in getting help. I did this without a support network for the first three years.

Suddenly the game has changed

Now things have changed in my life because of Internet Marketing and the contrast between my situation versus my friends is ever so strong. Many of my friends work jobs they dislike, they have debt and they are feeling stuck.  I receive an endless parade of attention from people I know who phone up out of the blue and want to ‘catchup’.  They are looking for help.

My recommendation

Now I recommend they attend my workshop or join my coaching community or join my blog to start with. I will often share a coffee and set them on the right path however this is restricted to one day per month ( I call this ‘open day’).  Doing this has resulted in very good success for all involved.  We all value our time. Some of them become very interested and I help them quit their job. It is a mutual deal where they are using my services and I teach them the inside run.

The inner circle

The next category is the most difficult . I help a LOT of internet marketers behind the scenes. Many (NOT ALL) of them are not making the money their audience presuppose they do. This group is the most challenging. Since they have hardly any money to properly pay for mentoring, they suck energy that I could be directing into more productive ventures. Once they get a taste for my strategies and formulas they keep coming back for another dose like a drug addict. Generally people further up the ladder than I am reciprocate and I receive great help from them in return.  It is the ones reaching up to my rung that are the most tricky.

Friends and Money don’t mix well

In the book  ‘Predictably Irrational’ Dan Ariely explains the difficulty that often arises when you try to turn a friendship into a client/supplier scenario. To answer how to deal with this scenario I looked at my own relationship with suppliers. When the shoe is on the other foot I realized I pay for my designs, I pay for my content creation, my courses, my travel and I never ask people to do stuff for free for me – so why should I be educating many of the people who operate in the same market for free?

Even worse – direct competition

Many of the people I helped for free enter the exact same market with my insider info and reap rewards instantly. They hardly ever credit me since they cannot admit to their audience that they were coming from a desperate situation. Also they are power hungry and will take the authority if they can. I’m just too polite to mention it in most cases. If they credit me or acknowledge or reciprocate in some way it makes me feel a little better but it is still financially non-rewarding since they are eating my own market and reducing the potential value of my techniques (and selling my techniques as their own in some cases).

So the bottom line for me is this,

Paying clients only from now on. If I help people I must get payback for my time. I am more than happy to put in the effort and the work FIRST however I want a result that is going to benefit both of us.

My mentor taught me to place value on my experience

I have given a lot to others for my entire career and now I must place a value on the 1000 plus books I bought and read, the $100,000’s in airfares and travel expenses to educate myself and the many many hours of late night tapping away at the keyboard whilst working two jobs trying to get myself and my family set up properly. I’m happy to share – as long as it is reciprocated in some meaningful way.  I know that my paying clients will get the best from me because I am here for them and not the parasites.

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